Ten Years On: My Phoenix Family
It’s been ten years. Ten years since two little faces turned our world upside down and right side up at the same time. We've shared extraordinary moments, created our own version of ordinary, and stood by each other through heartbreak, facing life’s challenges together. But as I look back now, it’s the joy and love that shine brighter than anything else.
Ten years ago we nervously stood in a foster carer’s home, wondering how you prepare to meet your children for the first time. I remember their tiny shoes. The way they looked at us; curious, cautious, suspicious. And I remember the overwhelming feeling that this moment would change everything.
And it did.
Those early days were a blur of nappies, early mornings and routine naps; the kind of exhaustion and wonder that any new parent might recognise. The bath-time bubbles that became mini water parks. The infamous poonami episodes that tested our reflexes and our washing machine. The silly songs we made up on the fly that still echo through the house, a decade later. The juggling act of wrangling two toddlers into car seats with only one pair of hands….surely a sport in its own right!
As we approach ten years as a family, I find myself overflowing with gratitude. These memories are stitched into the fabric of our family; moments of chaos, laughter, connection, and love.
We’ve had some brilliant adventures together, and our travels especially have gifted us stories we’ll retell forever.
I still laugh thinking about the waiter in Italy who placed a steaming plate of seafood linguine (stacked with mussels, squid, and octopus) on our table and looked to my husband and me, trying to guess which of us had ordered it. “For her,” we said, pointing to our wide-eyed four-year-old daughter, beaming with delight. He blinked in disbelief.
But then food has always been a good source of entertaining stories. At our local pub, our children became legends after ordering olives and crab linguine, long before they could properly tie their shoelaces. (Now they’re more into fish and chips and ice cream, but their culinary confidence remains.) Or when my daughter used to burst into tears and scream at waiting staff if she thought they were coming to clear her plate before she had finished.
The beach has always been our sanctuary. Something about the open sky and the sound of the sea seems to wash any worries away. On the sand, their shoulders drop. They laugh more freely. They run without fear. It's where their light shines brightest and I love our beach days.
Like many families, we’ve made traditions of our own from our 3-day Christmas celebrations to our Easter breakfasts, with home-made buns and pastries, consumed in mismatched pyjamas. These memories are not about perfection, but I cherish the milestones that reflect our growing togetherness.
But the most breathtaking moments? They come quietly.
The handwritten notes that say “I’m sorry, I love you.”
The way they instinctively come closer when the world feels big.
The “love you most” competitions at bedtime
They see our love, even in the chaos. And I know they feel it, even when trauma makes it hard for them to show it. And their plucky resilience has taught me more about strength than any book or podcast ever could.
Let’s be clear: it hasn’t been easy. Parenting children through trauma, through disruption, through neurological difference, takes everything. Some days it wrings us out. There have been tears, battles, and sleepless nights laced with fear and guilt. There are squabbles, standoffs, and moments I’m not proud of.
But we have grown. All of us.
I’m not the parent I was ten years ago. I’ve become softer, but stronger. More grounded, but more open to change. I’ve learnt to pause, to listen, to bend without breaking.
This isn’t just a story of adoption. It’s a story of building a phoenix family and loving it so fiercely it rewrites your entire sense of what matters.
Through every challenge, frustration, and fragile victory, we know this one thing to be true: We are the lucky ones.
And to our two glorious, spirited, maddening, magical humans? What a ride it’s been?! We are so proud to be your parents and here’s to the next 10 years together!
